Little Man, its all about choices...
So I am reading this book called "Easier Than You Think (because life doesn't have to be so hard)" - its by Richard Carlson, Ph.D... the book is all about the small changes one can make in their life which when added together make huge impacts toward happiness & getting the most out of life. Well, the chapter I read the other night was about *choices*... yes, for you parents out there - this is what we have been teaching our kids since they were wobblers - that the choices one makes dictates what one will experience. Amazing that I say this L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y ten times a day to the Little Man, "Little Man, its up to you to make a good choice." or the more common phrase, "Little Man, its all about choices...". So I talk this talk to my six year old - but do I really walk it for myself? Well, I had to ask myself this as I was reading this chapter... and the truth of the matter is I don't really. I mean I have moments... but overall, do I wake up each day and remind myself that it is my choice of whether I am going to have a successful day or not? NOPE - I would have to go with a big fat NOPE on that one. I think it was the line, "...attitude can be summed up in one word - Choice." that got to me... its true. I can wake up each day and complain about having to rush around trying to get both myself and the Wee Man ready and out the door - or I can choose to embrace the fact that he is alive and healthy and happy and thriving, and then I can choose to make sure that I start his day out with a smile on my face as I kiss him goodbye at school. I control that... I control what I put out there to the world... and it is my choice whether I let others impact that in a negative manner or a positive one. I make the choice for whether I see an exciting day ahead of me - or a depressing one. I make the choice to be happy and grateful for my life... I preach it to my son, I now need to start living it EACH day... not just on some of the days.
Well... now I feel all glimmery with hope and new found mental toughness... this is a good way to go to sleep...
Thinking I need travel more...
Never has it been more apparent than this visual of what a West-Coast girl I am... have always known it, even voiced it... but wow - with all that red against all that white, I feel a bit ashamed. Future goal... I really want to see more of the South and Kentucky... not sure why, exactly - I just want to see Kentucky... and Memphis... and Washington DC. Trip that I will take some day - rent a Winnie & drive to a bunch of places with the Wee Man.
create your own visited states mapThe world... I really need to see more of it, although all things considered I have seen five other countries... so not bad, right? I do know two people that I think could possibly fill this thing... one is a friend at work... he would probably be almost ALL red, and just a wee bit of white - especially this time next year. He leaves in a month on a motorcycle trip from Vancouver, BC to the tip of South America and back again... WOW!!
I would also like to see my Dad's map... he has traveled extensively, and it would be pretty cool to see his all bold and in color.
create your own visited countries map
three things...
Three screen names that you have had: hmm1, hmm2 & hmm3
Three things you like about yourself: my sense of humor; my laugh; I think I can be kind.
Three things you don't like about yourself: sometimes I shout when I don’t mean to; I procrastinate; I’m becoming irresponsible.
Three parts of your heritage: 2/3rds Irish; assume a bit of German as my Nana’s maiden name was Heinz; the rest is good ol’ US of A!
Three things that scare you: anything to do with my son being hurt, scared or endangered; not being able to handle everything in my life; not giving my son the kind of happy and secure childhood that I had.
Three of your everyday essentials: smooches from the Wee Man; 20oz of caffeine; a napkin to clean up the coffee that I will inadvertently spill on myself.
Three things you are wearing right now: favorite Victoria’s Secret pink bra; matching pink thong undies; my favorite old faded Levis.
Three of your favorite songs: Landslide – Stevie Nicks or Dixie Chicks version; Pink Houses by John Cougar Mellencamp (or a variation of his names); Wasted Time by the Eagles.
Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: trusting a man again (dare I say it – dating?); saving money; building a deck.
Three things I want in a relationship: to feel cherished; to feel supported; to know that I am not the one shouldering it all.
Two truths and a lie: I want to quit my job; I want to stay single; I want to win the lottery and never have to worry about money again.
Three things you can't (can I say "won't"?) do without: the Little Man, the Wee Man and Kevin Jr.
Three places you want to go on vacation: Aruba, Scotland and Whistler, BC.
Three things you just can't do: eat crazy raw fish (also known as Sushi); give up; live without the Little Man.
Three kids' names: Kevin Michael, Jofes and Keaters
Three things you want to do before you die: finish raising the Little Man so that he is a happy, well-adjusted and complete person; love again; be loved.
Three Celeb crushes: Joey Harrington, Vin Diesel and John Mayer
Three people you want to know these things about: Joey Harrington, Vin Diesel and John Mayer.
Christmas 2004
Wow... so its been over two months since my last post... crazy. I wish I could say that my lack of blogging was due to the fact that I won the lottery and have been traveling the globe - or that I met someone that essentially made time stop - or that I made peace with my inner-demons so that I no longer needed to vent on-line... but alas, none of those things happened. I just didn't have the urge to write... logged on a few times - but just didn't feel it. Apparently tonight I felt it. huh...
Christmas was nice... parents are down-under for two months, so my family Christmas was on the 17th... good night, lots of love and laughter. Which always makes for a nice time. On the actual Christmas Eve I had the Little Man... had a wonderful night with him. Just the two of us - we went out for a nice dinner, then drove to Peacock Lane (local holiday attraction - a street in SE PDX that every single house lights up like the Griswold's for the month of December.) Little Man had never seen it - and I loved that I was able to introduce him to it this year. We drove it first - then parked and walked it a second time. It was a great night - cold, but dry. Then we came home and baked two dozen chocolate chip cookies - put six out for Santa, carrots for each reindeer and of course the obligatory glass of milk. I went to sleep for a few hours - then woke up around 2am to sneak downstairs and put all of the Santa presents out. My brother came over Christmas morning - and we woke up Little Man and then we each video-taped him opening his presents. I then made breakfast for all of us while they went outside to play with some of the Wee's presents. All in all it was a great Christmas. I really didn't feel sad at all... until the Little's Dad arrived to pick him up. It was just odd... I felt like I was on some tv movie or something... he gave me a Christmas gift on behalf of Little Man. I kind of expected it cause he had asked me a few times what I wanted... but I figured it would be something like a candle or picture of the Wee or something... but it was a pedicure gift set. Just felt weird... that is the kind of stuff he used to buy me for Stocking stuffers when we were still together... I love to get pedicures - either salon or do them myself - so he always gave me little things in my stocking for that stuff. I don't know... it just felt weird. Anyway, after he & the Wee left I had a good cry and then took a nap. (Have I ever mentioned before how much I love naps?? Don't take them enough anymore...) anyway - that night my brother & his wife came over, we played monopoly - drank lots of champagne, wine & beer and had a nice turkey dinner.
All in all it was a nice Christmas... I hope that yours was, as well. If I don't write before New Year's Eve... be safe & have fun!
This is me, and I approve this message.
So what did I do on my Friday night... rented some videos for the Wee, built a fire and voted!
It all started when the video-nazi store was out of Bionicles 2, so instead the Wee went with The Three Little Pigs - we are talkin' old school Disney - but he loves it - actually belly-laughs while watching it! (my use of the word "belly" is ok cause I am referring to a child... for those that don't know me that well - the word "belly" when referring to an adult - creeps me out... not sure why, it just instantly brings up images of cigar-smokin', wife-beater wearin', grimy, non-shaven, fat old men. You know the ones who wear tanks with sweat rings/stains in them and smoke (chew/suck) cigars that are all soggy and mushy looking. Yeah - gross. Anyway, if you use the word "belly" in reference to a child, it is completely ok as it brings up images of a cute little kid who hasn't yet lost his baby-chub. But when referring to an adult - I think the above.) Ok... sorry I digress - I was telling you about the videos we rented...
...the second one was a DVD called Dinosaur Island - and the Wee is really excited about it. We only watched the Pigs tonight, cause we were in the living room so we could have a fire (love my fires!) and I only have a VHS out there... we'll do the others tomorrow during the day when my need for a fire is at its lowest (don't get me wrong - it's still there - just not so hard to fight off. I have will-power during the day.) Anyway, while the pigs out-witted the wolf, I read cover-to-cover my two voter pamphlets, made my decisions and cast my votes. I have even signed, sealed and stamped the envelope so that I can get the responsibility (its a right, not a responsibility!) in the mail tomorrow! Ahhh... now its over. Nov 2 needs to hurry up and arrive so I can stop having to subject myself to "This is (fill in blank) and I approve this message."
Ok - signing off now... big day tomorrow with basketball practice, birthday party at the neighborhood pool and then possibly the pub for dinner with some friends & the Wee. I will probably write more tomorrow... Ciao!
The Triplex Blues
... nothing like the"gay 'ol blues"... so nice. Gifted is what I say... as does E. CF plays the part of the "not good" so very well - humble you might even say... but as E describes - he actually has talent. As with all that he does - he excels. What is that like? To be good at everything you try? E is like that as well... as L so eloquently said, "You can f***in play!" Looks like we might have some Monday nights established now. Have to get K in on the git-fiddle action.
L is lit up like a light bulb - "E play it with four strings!!!" That would be L's last comment... love L. Got to see G tonight - he is doing well... so glad he is home.
Funny that "L" just asked me why I do this - write on this site... I answered quickly but now after thinking about it - I would say it really is because its a place to dump thoughts and feelings. Thats a good thing, I guess. I really do feel better after writing in here - and that is part of the purpose behind starting this... so that is good.
LOVED the Old 97's tonight - thanks to K - she is the best. What a good friend to gift with the tickets... seriously, I loved the concert. I had such a fun time tonight - boogied my butt off and loved it all. Rhett - very sexy. Not typically my type, but - yeah, I get what you are saying K. :-)
Loving the hanging out at the moment... only thing missing is a fire to sit next to.
I'll Have a Penfolds Shiraz, please...
So tonight I went out with the guy who canceled our original date due to illness... we went to the 'Zana - which was bueno since I love that place. His favorite dinner was also my personal favorite - rotisserie chicken, mashed spuds, sauted green beans & the best darn gravy ever!! "So we had that going for us, which was nice." In all sincerity, from the very beginning it was very comfortable... he is a really nice person. He is very comfortable in his own skin - which is a serious plus. He is also very funny, and very blunt. Again more pluses... I liked him. He even sent me an e-mail just now telling me that he had a nice time tonight... very polite. I liked him (I said that already, didn't I?) Anyway... the big question I know your wondering is whether there was any chemistry... and although I can't say for sure that there was chemistry for me - I also can't say that there couldn't be. I found myself at times during the conversation tonight, thinking about how he makes me laugh, and I am very comfortable around him - actually we are very comfortable around each other - and how maybe that could turn into chemistry... its been known to happen. I don't know... we'll see. I will go out with him again. We were even able to discuss politics (SHOCKER, I Know!) and although we both want different folk come November it was still a comfortable conversation. That bodes well, I believe. Only a few special folk that I can do that with...
Oh - also - the other nice thing is not since that previous post has this guy said nor done anything pertaining to talking about the physical... so that is good. I mean he was complimentary tonight, which was nice - but not in a creepy way. So, at this point pertaining to my previous post on him - I'm giving him a second chance as far as those comments go. I'm chalking those earlier comments up to the cough medicine he was on (or something along those lines).
Flowers that Blog
Ah yes... may I now present to you - Flowers... http://bonjour.snikte.net/
Let's talk about dating...
... no not me and you, cause we both know that can't happen. I had a date this week - but he canceled cause he got sick - and before we go to the "he blew me off" stage - I do believe that he was truly ill... but the communication since has been "ew" to say the least. I don't like it when I am trying to get to know someone and they keep turning the conversation to the physical. That is what this guy did in our last talk... and quite frankly it has annoyed me and turned me off a bit. I don't know... I mean flirt with me like that when we know there is chemistry - not before we have even entered the lab. Errr... I'm bothered by it. So now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should go ahead and go out with him - or whether I should just go with my gut (which is turned off now) and decline the attempt to reschedule. Thoughts? Advice?
I also have been chatting with someone else - I like this other guy so far - we can call him "Eddie Bauer" as K has nicknamed him. Albeit we have just started to chat - but he seems so sweet. (I know that is probably a man's worst nightmare to be described as "sweet" - but seriously, he just seems like such a sweet person.) I get kind of giddy when I hear from him - he is older than I am - seven years. He has a daughter, and what he has said about her thus far I have really liked. He has also shown interest in what I do with the Wee Man - again, I was impressed by that. I don't know - we'll see... Eddie Bauer is out of town till this weekend so we have been emailing... maybe we'll get together when he gets back. I went to dinner with G & CC last night... funny topic came up about "romantic" gestures they have done for girlfriends & ones that I have received. I realized as I sat struggling to try to remember a really nice romantic gesture that was done for me - that I really don't think I have received many. I mean - I told the story of how Sr. proposed to me - which was nice & romantic - but it was supposed to be - it was a proposal. When thinking of "just because" romantic gestures - I don't know that I have ever had what G & CC have done for their sig. others. Makes me think about the fact that I would really like to meet someone that cherishes me... I realize that I have probably always done the cherishing in my past relationships - cause the guys who probably would have done that for me, I didn't give the chance. Sad... but made me realize how different I am now - from who I once was. I want spark, chemistry, fun, laughter and all of that - but I also want to find someone who just plain thinks about me. Just thinks of me and smiles. Someone who worries about me - about whether I am ok, happy, comfortable, loved. I want someone who can't wait to see me - who thinks all of my little idiosyncrasies add up to something grand. I want someone who thinks that the dichotomy that is me - makes sense. I want someone to lean on when I need to... that would be nice.
Ok 'nuff of that... I've also started looking into indoor rock climbing gyms. I have a few motivations for doing this 1) the Wee will love it! (I think) 2) I'm hoping it will cure me of this crazy fear of heights I mysteriously developed at 23 years old 3) I think it will be a GREAT stress relief 4) I think it will be empowering - and who doesn't need to feel more empowered? 5) I think it will be a good work out without even really being a work out, if you know what I mean. I think I will be so into the challenge of it, that I won't even recognize that I am working my ass off. 6) I need something to do when I don't have the Little Man. So... I have found two gyms that I want to look into... it might be a bit spendy, but I figure if I start small with maybe a few lessons and then if I find I am really into it - then N can always work his REI magic and get me some discounts on gear - and voila! I'll be a climber! :-)
Sorry for the rant/ramble above... thoughts just keep crossing my mind - and I am trying to chase them away.
Breakfast & the NRA
So I went out on a breakfast date - a blind breakfast date... I had talked with this guy via e-mail a few different times so we decided to meet. He was nice - he chose a breakfast place with some typical PDX character that served Stumptown Coffee (which was bonus points) - so all was looking good. TILL the discussion turned to the ARSENAL of WEAPONRY he feels the need to have... not a few guns - eight guns the man owns. Not to mention the fact that he plans on buying two more rather soon... I'll just let that settle in for a second...
...my reaction - I am completely serious as I describe this (I am not embellishing whatsoever)... but my reaction to him as he explained his need for eight guns was to physically cover my face with my hands, groan/moan/laugh (also known as the "groamgh") and shake my head a few times. I couldn't help it! EIGHT GUNS!?! Are you kidding me?
When I finally lifted my head and removed my hands from my face - I blinked a few times to make sure I hadn't some how ended up at breakfast with Charleton Heston - but no - it wasn't Ben Hur. Just some nice guy who lives in the sub-burbs of PDX - who mind you - has these guns for protection. Apparently ONE GUN just isn't enough protection from the mean streets of PDX... for that matter EIGHT GUNS apparently aren't enough.
It was kind of surreal - any second I expected Michael Moore to jump out from behind a menu - non-shaven, ass-crack show'n, baseball hat wearin' with a camera behind him... asking, "Have you ever been to Canada? Did you know they don't lock their doors up there?"
Anyway... that was last Sunday morning - hadn't heard from Jesse James till last night when I wasn't in a position to talk on the phone so I cut the call short & told him I would call him back... then I saw via caller-id (best invention ever!) that he called twice today... so now the ball is in my court to call him and tell him that I just don't think we are on the same page on certain issues... truthfully, with my physical reaction to his gun-toten, I am surprised he called me. I am not looking forward to this conversation - what the heck do I say? "Your nice - but I think your a bit of an anarchist." ... dating again sucks.
Update in life...
So last week the Wee started Kindergarten... it went great. He was so brave and sure of himself. I was so proud. He really has taken to it, which makes it super easy on me. My only issue is with the after school program he is in... kids from k-5th are in it - and I am not so impressed by some of the brats who attend. Probably not fair of me to refer to other children as brats - but seriously a kid who picks on younger ones and doesn't play fair is a brat. Little Man is handling himself well (probably better than Mommy) when it comes to these "kids"... he doesn't let them push him around and actually (this is not the proud mother speaking here - although I am proud) he kicks ass at soccer compared to some of them. Cracks me up. He is putting blocks on 2nd & 3rd graders half his size, stealing the ball from them and scoring on them. He-he-he... I say with an evil laugh. I am proud of him - but a bit nervous cause the teacher is not the strongest character I have ever come across & she has a lot of kids to watch in this program... we will see. I don't want to call it quits too soon - but at the same time I don't want him there if its not a good program. We will see what Sr. thinks - if Sr. has an opinion.
Surgery came and went... all is good with my lymph nodes. Turns out I had a hernia... nice, huh? Not sure how that happened - but apparently it did. Anyway, my Vicadin and I are doing nicely. Might have over-anticipated how quickly I would heal as I am supposed to be back at work tomorrow - thinking that may not happen, unless I go in for a half day. We shall see... I still have to go back to the Doc in two weeks to have him check out the healing, as well as turn his focus on the other side... after all that one is still there and not going away. Probably nothing...
Also interesting item I stumbled upon last night...
www.nickelcreek.com - love this band, but the coolest things is they each have their own blog on the site. Not a bad read... I read Chris and Sean's... haven't checked out Sara's yet. Anyway - if you are interested... ciao for now.
Spreadin' the Luv
For a good time click
http://ericseverson.blogspot.com/ - welcome to the blog of the Northwest Comedy competition winner of 2004... enjoy.
Blast From Past
Had a decent weekend... bridal shower for D was fun - she has nice friends, I definately had to be the one introducing myself first or I would have speant the time mingling with the dog - but no big deal. Highlight of weekend was running into my old friend T at the shower Saturday night - I was hoping she would be there. T and I worked together at a sports store in the local mall in High School - all three years. She went to a rival school - but we became fast friends and stayed that way all thru the school years. We lost touch after our first year in college - but running into her at the shower was like the last 14 years (Gosh I'm old!) never even happened. For the last two years we have been living really close to each other, as well - funny thing is we shop at the same grocery store, same coffee nazi shop and same video nazi store... yet have never run into each other. Then this morning, the Little Man and I are in the grocery store & who do you think I run into? you guessed it! I got to meet her boyfriend - very nice guy. She got to meet the Wee - who of course was too shy to say hello & instead refused to talk to her or her boyfriend (mantra to self... do not get frustrated - the Wee is who he is). Anyway - I can't wait to hook up with her over a bottle of wine (or two) and just catch up. She is good peops.
Vegas is coming - Vegas is coming! This Friday we fly out... my cold is going away - thank goodness - so I'm hoping to be all rested up for the trip. A bit stressed about money down there... but it will work out. I shall be responsible and have will-power. I shall be responsible and have will-power. I shall be responsible and have will-power. (Do you think if I say that enough it will be true?)
Ok going to bed now... goal for the week is to actually fall asleep BEFORE 2am. I figure if I start now at 10:56pm I have a pretty good shot. G'night.
Be Still My Brain...need to sleep
Figure I would log on to dump some thoughts in the hopes that I can sleep soon... need to sleep.
... here is another local Portland boy doing good - he is Geoff Byrd and I do enjoy his tunes. Saw/heard him for the first time when he jumped on stage for another local favs final song (I was at the CD release show for Justin Hopkins - song was a cover of Marvin's Sexual Healing) and Geoff was incredible - his voice & his presence on stage is what did it. Love his voice - so I got his CD that night - good purchase. If you want to check his tunes out go to www.geoffbyrd.com and listen up... personal favs of mine are Tail of the Rain & the Moon and I Will Be There.
Since we are chatting local musical gems... check out www.justinhopkinsmusic.com also very good - in fact he is at the top of my local favs list... you can check out his new CD at www.soundclick.com/justinhopkins - quite possibly one of the most touching and incredible songs I've heard in a long while is Justin's Great Expectations... "I've never known something so easy as trying to love you in spite of yourself." How true is that line... I'm feeling quite proud of the local tunes right about now...
Its official - I have a cold and I'm miserable. I can take stomach aches, etc. - but lord I hate having a head cold. And this weekend I have tons to do - and next week is busy at work - then Labor Day weekend is Vegas (we all know what that means) - and after that is the Wee's first days of Kindergarten. I'm screwed for sleep for basically the next 3 weeks. Good to know...
Heard from Pbert tonight - miss him tons. He's in town for the next week - so I'm hoping to get together with him next week. I completely miss him at work... "Wait for Pbert!" still makes me giggle. He is good folk.
On a not so happy note... my friend G fell off the wagon last month. I just found out last weekend that he is in rehab in NM. I guess he went on a 4-day binge and was really in poor shape when a buddy of his found him. I have weird guilt about it - the weekend before he fell off he and I played phone tag & he had sent me this long e-mail - funny as hell (which is his norm) and I had promised him that I would write him back that week with one of my typical long-burnout-your-hard-drive e-mails. BUT I never did... I never called him... I thought about him, kept saying to myself, "I have to call G" - but I never did. And then I hear from our good friend E, that G is back in rehab. I feel terrible. I asked for G's mailing address - but E gave me some excuse about he "lost it" and that he would get it and let me know. Although I trust & love E very much - I kind of wonder if maybe G doesn't want me to have it... maybe I've really hurt him. Lord, I hope not. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he moves home to PDX after he comes to terms in NM. E told me that the only way that he would ever be pissed at G is if G killed himself on one of these binges. I feel the same way. I love G and I guess I just want him home were he is around all of us - and he knows he can be himself and be safe. Wish G was on-line... apparently he can't have any outside contact other than a periodic phone call & letters.
E give me that damn address!!! (Please...)
Prayers for you G - love you. Hope you know how much. G'night now...
Good Tunes...
Good tunes... all three of her albums are on here...
Salty Blues is a good one on Touch Down. As is
Anyway on Unbelievabley Unbroken.
http://www.stephanieschneiderman.com/
